It’s Ireland’s most popular fetish website. It’s a place to imagine and fantasise. It’s a portal to live vicariously through. No, not that one your filth bag, we’re talkin’ about Daft.ie.
Countless man hours have been sucked into this virtual vortex. It’s more addictive than any social networking site. Forget Facebook, toss Twitter and move over MySpace, scrolling through the endless possibilities on Daft.ie is far more satisfying than stalking any person.
How many people do you know have a new sofa, ample parking space, three TV points and Neff kitchen appliances? Zero? That’s what we thought. And you don’t feel like a creep perving over Daft. Mostly.
The site itself claims that 85 million pages on it are visited each month – seemingly an outlandish statement but even if this statistic isn’t entirely accurate, it does give us some indication of the extent of Daft addiction.
As a largely unspoken taboo, these statistics give weight to the personal stories of the constant refresh, the sweaty palm that holds the phone as ‘the call’ is made. Before the crushing defeat of hearing the words; “I’m sorry but it’s already been leased.” The devastation…
Followed by the anger, the questioning, “Why don’t they take the ad down then?!” The paranoia, “Maybe they just didn’t like the sound of me? The ad is still up...” Acceptance and hope are the next phases, generally accompanied by spotting a new potential home.
There is the sinking feeling that you’re turning into your parents - scoping out similar gaffs in the area, how much they’re going for, what additional features they have and so on. It is inevitable. You can’t fight this, so don’t bother trying.
Even for those with no intention of moving, the site provides a form of escapism and launches so many 'what ifs'. It’s easy to fantasise about living in a cutesy cottage on Long Lane with the soundest of housemates, all beautiful, all successful and preferably all from different countries.
It is the ‘Sharing…’ section that gives the most insight to the human condition and provides the most laughs. Daft has a language of its own but it takes little interpretation to decode it. It’s like personal ads, but with houses.
As a general rule, if your new housemates have to say they’re “nice and friendly”, they’re probably not. If the tenants include this sentence, “we like socialising and there is always a friendly atmosphere in the house”, prepare yourself for all night sessions and finding a puke point in the corner of your room. Two words are guaranteed to elastic band you away from a potential house share. These are: owner occupied. This directly translate as “living with your menopausal mam - again”. Avoid.
On a side note, the only entries worth poring over are the entries with pictures. Who bothers with the ones without photographs and why? Answers to Oh Francis on a SAE please. But that’s assuming you’ll admit to be being a Daft addict.
www.ohfrancis.com
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